EXCERPTS

She was wearing a short black skirt and from her navel down to a few inches above the bottom of her skirt, in the approximate shape of a fifteen-inch-diameter circle was a mess of ****ly and *****ly-co****ed *****. As I looked at her, it seemed very odd to think that about twelve minutes earlier, she'd been on stage waving goodbye to over 20,000 of her worshipping fans.

She motioned for her manager to sit next to her, which he did. As he sat down, he let out a massive fart. To say that he had a look of sheer terror on his face was a huge understatement. 

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She continued to rummage through the left-hand side of her underwear. I could now see the pubic area on both sides of her body. Everything was as surreal as it gets. Here I was sitting next to an absolute worldwide superstar of the highest magnitude and here she was showing me her pubic area. I imagined the millions of fans that she had and wondered how many of them could possibly imagine her in the state that I was now seeing her. I also remembered that she'd starred in a few films and therefore had some acting ability. Was this all some sort of weird joke?

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However, I had an ulterior motive: although part of me was tempted to record their conversation, another part of me was more tempted to open the cubicle door. I would have loved to have seen the look on their faces as they saw me standing (or maybe still sitting) there with my trousers still around my ankles! It would’ve been a real Mr Bean moment!

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She responded with five magical words that will go down as quite probably, the most brilliant comment that I’ve ever heard. As she gave me a wicked, but pleasant smile, she said:                                                          

                                                                    “BRING IT ON, WHITE BOY.”

Brilliant, I thought, what a fantastic thing to say. So much so, that I seriously thought about naming the book using those exact same five words. There was a lot of debate on whether to or not and as you read this, you’ll already know if that came to pass. Unfortunately, it never was only me and her in the limo, so I can just wonder and speculate.☺︎

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I was ultra-careful about the way I worded those type of comments to clients and precisely when I made those comments. I felt that I might accidentally cross a line and potentially put the clients in an awkward position. I was in a privileged situation where many, many people would loved to have been in and I didn’t want to abuse that. I was often privy to private telephone conversations.

I really wanted our clients to feel comfortable and relaxed. I’m pretty sure that I succeeded and I also know for absolute sure that I never abused the trust that was placed in me.

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For a brief second, I had an image of the band's very large bodyguards squaring up to the nightclub’s very large bouncers. Now, that would’ve been one heck of a fistfight. I used my debit card and withdrew my limit —just in case they needed more— and handed over £100.00. In the end, I lent them a total of £250.00 which was returned later that day. I also received ten of their CD box sets, all autographed by each of the five band members. I gave them all away to either my driving colleagues, the girls at the office, neighbours and autograph hunters.

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Shoot, I thought, he’s been recognised. Sure enough, we both looked around to our right and saw a middle-aged lady waving at us, or to be precise, at the artist. I can’t imagine that she was waving at me! I did think that as the limo was actually trapped in parked traffic and if somebody had something bad planned, a problem could ensue. The artist waved back and horror of horrors, he got out of the limo and walked over to the lady.

OMG, I thought. If the bodyguard sees this, he'll have a fit.

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I wasn't sure if it was the artist or his manager who had his finger on the switch, but whoever it was took their finger off the switch too early. Even before the divider was half way up, I saw the artist and his manager lean over and they engaged in full contact kissing. Whoever it was had let his finger slip off the switch and I had a full-on view. Maybe they got a thrill out of limo chauffeurs watching them! It did make me wonder about all those masses of female fans who would probably not have believed me if I’d told them what and perhaps more importantly who, I’d just witnessed.