GLOSSARY

BOOT:  Not that long grey thing that’s attached to elephants, but the luggage compartment at the rear of a vehicle where you might store, amongst other things, a trunk. That's right, the trunk can go inside the trunk. Ha ha. Hasn't that confused you?

CD:  Compact Disc. You know, those round silver things that you’ve seen in museums.

CENTURION:  AKA an American Express Black Card. If you ever get a letter (probably embossed in actual gold) inviting you to apply, then presumably you’re not actually reading this book, but somebody is reading it TO you. Whilst others less fortunate than yourself are serving you Beluga caviar, canapés, foie gras and champagne.

FBO:  Fixed Base Operator. You’ll find out when you win the lottery big time.

GIN PALACE:  Once again, when you win the lottery big time, you’ll discover the true meaning of these two words. Landlubbers will probably never find out.

GULFSTREAM:  A warm water current that is responsible for palm trees in Scotland. Oh, maybe that’s Gulf Stream? Perhaps I meant to write it’s a type of jet plane that is very expensive. Something like a short-wheel-base Rolls Royce Silver Ghost.

HALF 3:  Or any number for that matter. In this case, it means half way past 3 a.m. or 3 p.m. Therefore, it’s half way to the next hour, which in this case, is four-o’clock. The Germans (and probably some others) would say, in this example, ‘halb vier,’ which literally translated means half four. What they mean is half way to four, not half way past four. But they lost the World Cup in 1966, so I suppose the English must be right! LOLs to all of my Genosses.

IMHO:  Imelda Marcos Hates Olives, or if you don’t know who she is: In My Humble Opinion.

JUMPER:  Also known as a sweater, but not named after those fare dodgers who jump over the barriers at metro stations as they don’t want to pay for their transport.

JW:  Red, Black, Double Black, Green, Gold, Platinum or Blue, sir? And I’m not referring to the colours of the rainbow. If you’re not into whisky, then JW is a brand of Marriott hotel that is a step above a traditional Marriott. Probably worth it, if you don’t mind paying a bit more. Please let them know where to pay the commission (me).

LIMO/LIMOUSINE:  Not an executive sedan car, but any vehicle that has been cut in two widthways and had various lengths added to it. Plus, lots of creature comforts to help you naughty people be naughty.

LOL:  Well, if you truly don’t know what this means, where’ve you been the past century?

NDA:  Non-Disclosure Agreement. Sometimes, they have time limits, sometimes not. The ones I normally signed were for one year at a time. I never needed to sign them anyway, as I’m a good boy.

OMG:  A few of you might think it means ‘Oh My Gosh.’ But the majority are probably thinking ‘Oh My God.’ And a very belated welcome to social media.

OPERA LIGHTS:  The vertical lights that are situated on both sides of a limousine and are supposed to make it look pretty, or prettier. Note the emphasis on the word ‘supposed!’

PAX:  Passenger(s). Those lovely people who never give me a hard time. Really…

PISANG GORENG:  Not exactly the best snack for you, health-wise. But it’s a fried food that I normally can’t resist when I’m in Indonesia. 

PRIVACY DIVIDERS:  Either 'solid' (I'm not sure what they're made of) or ‘glass’ (actually a strong plastic). These are raised up or down and separate the chauffeurs from the cabin part of a stretch limousine (where the pax hang out). The rear controls are normally in the ceiling above and slightly in front of the rear seat. The master controls are within the chauffeurs reach and are used when the clients are being naughty and/or the chauffeur is being nice. 

PUSH-PUSH:  Possibly has its origins in a very isolated village in Samoa. Without going into too much detail, push-push is what a Samoan village chief wanted to do to Annemieke. For more information on who she is, please check out the acknowledgements tab on this website or at the front of my book.

SALOON:  No, I didn’t type in an extra ‘o’ when referring to a place where many of your get your nails done. Nor was I thinking of a place where some of you drink too much and get thrown out of. In many countries of the world, a ‘saloon’ is a type of car body. In other parts of the world, those type of vehicles are called ‘sedans'.

SEDAN:  You weren’t paying attention were you? Please refer to the above paragraph.

SO-AND-SO:  No, a lot of the passengers do not have ‘so-and-so’ as their surname. Due to my desire to not reveal the names of our clients (bar one, almost), I’ve given the passengers all the same surname. This is in addition to anyone called Smith, which isn’t their real name anyway, as these were their futile attempts to fool me (don’t they know better?). Please forgive me if your surname really is ‘so-and-so’ (or ‘Smith’).

SUV:  Better known as a Chelsea tractor, with a Yummy Mummy behind the wheel.

WHOOPIE CUSHION:  A special place to sit on for a very well-known actor. Especially a purple one (cushion, not actor).

WILL CALL:  What you’ll tell somebody you’ll definitely do after you’ve had your wicked way with them. Failing that, it’s a small office that’s normally attached to a box office where you pick up your physical tickets if you don’t already have them.

WTF:  Ask your kids. Better not, google it instead.

YELLOW PAGES:  Nothing to do with ‘The Wizard of Oz’ or ‘Goodbye Yellow Brick Road’ and also nothing to do with a reporter who vomited something of a light-yellowish type colour on one of our clients (it’s in the book folks), but yellow pages are something else killed off by the web.

YOU-KNOW-WHAT: Please don't get confused with 'YOU KNOW WHAT.' Hyphens are important. You-know-what refers to, well, you-know-what, adult shenanigans. 

YOURS TRULY:   Honestly, I thought that everybody knows what this means, but apparently not, according to my sauces. Me, myself or I.

ZEBRA CROSSING:  When you’re staying in a JW (see above) and you’ve drunk too much JW (see above), you might decide to get some fresh air. Upon leaving the hotel, you see a 4-legged ‘horsey’ type animal with black and white stripes walking across a part of the road that is painted with black and white stripes. You conclude that you’ve either drunk way more than you ever thought possible, or and much more likely, you are now the latest member of the ‘I’ve seen a zebra crossing a zebra crossing’ club. Shame on you if you don’t believe me.